(current status, still stressed though bc i hate papers/even essays that others can so easily BS)

But. I have joy.

I realized that when I let go and let God, I don’t feel as trapped and restless. I know I’m still holding onto things.. still caught up in it all. but at least a little.. I feel like I got a glimpse of the joy that comes with finding my worth in God. ahhh. it is so refreshing.

(to be a downer betty) yea by this weekend.. or perhaps tomorrow. I could just turn back around and become preoccupied with the futility of this world. but. I’ll struggle to come back to God. Because He wants me. and He ain’t givin’ up on me.

smiling back on that time.. 

when my dad and i went into the city. it was super cold (nyc in the winter…. feels literally likes needles against your skin.) but he wanted to buy me ugg boots. (or.. bearpaw’s actually.. since ugg’s were so expensive) so in his state… he urged that we go to Daffy’s and get me a pair. since i wanted them for so long. and even in the midst of his need to rest and stay out of the cold… we went. and got my pair of boots. 

christmas season. i love it. and yet so many memories.. from those spent in ny..

[edit]: Tully’s is now playing Christmas music I’ll be spending my mornings before Spanish here~

아빠, 보고십다…

school is endless. and yet life is supposed to be so short and transient… i wanna see whats up. what’s around. not just around the corner. but on the other side. not because the grass is greener, but perhaps because the grass isn’t greener..

people serve in different ways. in the limelight or behind the scenes. 

people praise in different ways. with heads bowed and knees bent, or with arms reaching out, head lifted up.

we are no one to speculate what’s going on in the deep corners of another’s heart.

at Sacks café.. it was to remind myself to write this entry.  i just wanted to remember the cute elderly couple that sat across from suevin & me. 

We each had our own circular tables at the café, but then an old lady came and sat across from suevin (without asking lol… twas okay though. only because she was cute & sweet & elegant with her silvery white hair tied up) then her husband came and sat across from me (again without really acknowledging that i was already at this table lol) and they began to eat their veggie bagels while reading the newspaper and chatting here and there about something apparently really interesting or repulsive in the news. i wish i had a dslr-video-camera-thing to capture moments like these. (& like when i walked along campus that one day after it poured the previous day, so it was really warm and sunny and the rays trickled onto my skin through the rustling leaves…gahhh~)

Twas Sunday morning <3 & with our fragrant Pot o’ Chamomile Orange tea (? shrugs.. tea is tea.. what do i know about the different leaves that go into it. ) t’was a nice morning that made me smile, even in the midst of reading about Italian film history… (which is actually an interesting class when I can manage to stay awake in lecture).

& among the many picchas i came across when i was preoccupied with pretty stuff @ 3am when i should have been writing my paypuh~ (in addition to youtubing and looking at bags & shoes… lol)

& my favorite korean actress/model (i guess)

>> Somewhere only we know – Keane

(edit) YouTube. you are mean

A wise man once told me, that if a guy wants to be with a girl, he will do anything to make it happen…so why is it that when I put myself out there for him, he did not even give it a chance?  Am I still what you said I am? Am I still the “rule”?

I <3 this scene & Alex’s character.

God you are everything that is Good. You are the ultimate King. To be with you is all that we should seek.. to find our worth in You. sighh

I wish I could get this thoroughly through my head & heart and really live as one convicted of it.

I love being home, looking out the window to the POURING rain. I love it!!! I’m so reluctant to step out though… even with my rainboots, rain jacket & umbrella, my whole midsection and legs get wet because of Berkeley’s beastly side-ways rain. and then to sit thru lecture with soaked pants.. with the humid and stinky air. loll but as of now.. i like. especially since our apartment has a radiator! <3 hehehehe the dimly lit room, and large windows to look out towards campus with.. ahhh~~ tis so nice.

i want to take pictures in the rain one day. just full out play in the rain.. and yell into the infinite abyss– like they do in Garden State.

hear me RAWR!!

But now, to be more of a Lamb…

God give me humility & an open heart to listen…

Obba, I am so thankful that you are my brother. You are f’sure the “gidoong” for umma & me, and many others. You bring security, comfort, joy, and warmth to our fam bam. hehehehe

I truly await the day my brother raises up a structure that’ll be inspiring and inviting and and..

You people just wait. C: Yes I’m proud of mi hermano.

I’m finally starting to grasp.. what it means to.. find my Worth in God & thus get a taste of true Joy. not to get caught up in all that other stuff yknow?

still faltering here & there. Nevertheless, gradually being transformed.. renewed… molded.. stirred…. & it’s amazing.